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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23595460">'zards</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theoroark/pseuds/Theoroark'>Theoroark</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dark Room [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Overwatch (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Creepy Snakes, F/M, new pets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:07:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,109</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23595460</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theoroark/pseuds/Theoroark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After finding out Ashe has never had a pet, Akande volunteers to board one for her. Which naturally means that Ashe buys a small zoo of exotic reptiles. Bearded dragon bleps ensue.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Elizabeth Caledonia Ashe/Doomfist: The Successor | Akande Ogundimu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dark Room [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1340431</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>'zards</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by <a href="https://twitter.com/showerbait/">@showerbait</a>'s incredible <a href="https://twitter.com/showerbait/status/1246275136015269888?s=20">fanart</a>, which was in turn inspired by @night_wrighter's incredible <a href="https://twitter.com/Nite_Wrighter/status/1245763327352958976?s=20">hc</a>- you both are lights in my life in this dark time thank you &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Elizabeth didn’t have pets growing up. She doesn’t talk about her childhood with any kind of consistency with Akande. If she clams up around something like devil’s food cake or a taxidermied stag head, she’ll sometimes tell Akande later what it reminded her of. There are the watersheds too, when her father died and she was stiff in his arms and talked monotonously until she was hoarse, trying to find the right words. Information about Ashe’s upbringing comes to Akande piecemeal like that, with the tacit understanding that she’s only telling him this because she knows he doesn’t care where she’s from. That the two of them care about actions, not memories. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ashe doesn’t talk about her childhood much, so Akande can’t be certain how she feels about never having pets. It comes up as she’s roughhousing with Rust, one of his Rhodesian Ridgeback dogs. He has three. They were a gift from his father, right before they severed ties irrevocably. His father told him they were bred to be the best hunters in the world, but that Akande would have to train them. But Akande found better purpose than what his father bought for him. And the dogs were too damn sweet, were too damn pleased with head scratches and games of fetch. They might have been intended to be hunters, but they’re perfectly good pets too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ashe certainly seems to think so. She has both feet planted in a wide stance and is silently growling back at Rust, as she haplessly tries to wrest the rope toy from his jaw.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> “You think I’m going to give up, you bastard?” she asks the dog. “I’m not. I can do this all day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have to attend a cocktail party tonight,” Akande points out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All day,” Ashe repeats, staring dead into Rust’s eyes. Rust responds with a snuffly snarl and a backwards shuffle that briefly destabilizes Elizabeth. He quickly capitalizes on the opportunity and yanks back hard. Elizabeth lets go and Rust tosses his head up, but his moment of triumph is cut short when Elizabeth stumbles and falls forward. He drops the toy to sniff at her and before he knows what’s happening, Elizabeth has snatched the toy out from under his nose. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Got you!” she says gleefully. Rust dances, too pleased with the prospect of fetch to be betrayed. And Elizabeth must be too charmed to gloat, because she tosses the toy maybe a foot away, then leaves Rust to his chewing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He likes you,” Akande tells Elizabeth as she sits down next to him. She shrugs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s a good dog.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re good with him too.” She smiles at that and he smiles back. “I should have known you were a dog person.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I like cats too,” Elizabeth says. “I like pretty much any critter, really. Just, you know. Motorcycle gang ain’t the most pet-friendly career path.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rust flops on the ground at Akande’s feet. Akande flew from Rome to Oyo, like he did every week, to relieve his staff and take care of his dogs. Akande nods. “But you had them before?” he asks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He remembers too late there’s not really a before with Elizabeth, just her childhood and freedom. She’s silent for a moment and he’s perfectly ready to let her brush past it but then she says, “My parents weren’t really pet people.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re sitting on the couch together, Elizabeth leaning against Akande’s shoulder, and it’s hard for him to see her expression. He tilts his head a little but even then, the red slash of her mouth is neutral and her eyes are just a contented half-closed. “You had a big home, if I recall correctly,” he says. “You should have had them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Elizabeth snorts. “Shoulda had a lot of things,” she says. “Didn’t change shit.” She pushes herself up and she’s smiling now. She kisses him, leaving the bright red of her lipstick on his lips. “‘Salright,” she says. “Like you said, Rust and I get along real nice. That’s enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Akande thinks about it, over the next few weeks, and comes to the conclusion that it’s not enough. Elizabeth doesn’t tell him much about her childhood, but he learns fast, and he’s learned to understand what she gives him. Elizabeth wanted something quite attainable, was denied it, and now believes she can never have it. She may have accepted it, but the thought makes Akande sad in a way that’s untenable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They settle back at Oyo after a job. Akande pours out the bourbon Elizabeth brought while she‘s petting Rust. When Akande hands her a glass he says, “You know, I have people taking care of my dogs here. And taking care of my cats in Rome. And you’re at these places all the time.” She looks up at him. Rust does too, though Akande imagines that’s just because he’s annoyed his belly rub was interrupted. “If you wanted pets, you could keep them here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Elizabeth’s eyes narrow. Akande knows she’s retreating to her businesswoman’s instincts, trying to find an inequitable aspect or potential liability in his offer. He adores her for it. “You don’t have to do that,” she says finally. He smiles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would be happy to,” he tells her. She sets her glass on the coffee table and leans up and kisses him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande thought she would get a dog. Elizabeth truly does seem like a dog person. Sociable and charming and unafraid to get her hands dirty. She had said she liked cats too and he can quite easily see that. Elizabeth is fiercely independent, enjoys having space just as much as he does. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Elizabeth tells him she’ll bring her new pet to Oyo. So Akande gives the cats he can find on the Talon base some scratches goodbye and flies down to Nigeria prepared to introduce his dogs to a new friend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Elizabeth is waiting at the front stoop. BOB is with her, holding a large glass tank. Akande’s first thought is that it’s a bizarre container for a dog. Then comes the realization that Elizabeth and BOB are in fact surrounded by glass tanks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Met up with a trader,” Elizabeth says. She’s only a little sheepish. “He had, uh. A lot of cool shit. So I might have gotten carried away.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande crouches. Upon closer inspection, he can make out a bright green snake, long and thick, hidden among the artificial foliage of one of the tanks. A scan reveals only more reptiles: snakes, lizards. One tank holds an alarmingly brightly colored frog. Akande rights himself and raises an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to let me keep them here,” Elizabeth says. She looks actually embarrassed now. But Akande had not been lying before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d be happy to have them,” he tells her. He shepherds the dogs into another room, then helps her and BOB ferry the animals upstairs, undisturbed by barking or lunging shapes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They place the tanks in a spare bedroom. The sandy substrate and driftwood shelters look bizarre against the hand-sewn blanket and stark white duvet. Akande makes a mental note to redecorate as soon as possible. As Akande sits on the bed, watching Elizabeth examine her creatures, he takes a more careful stock of her haul. There are six tanks in total. Three hold snakes– one bright green, one a well-camouflaged brown, and the other pale yellow. One has the frog, one has two spotted geckos, and one has a tan lizard. That’s the one Elizabeth is kneeling in front of now, reaching in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are they safe to handle?” he asks her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Guy told me this one is,” she says. She pulls it up and holds it so Akande can see it, but tight to her chest so it’s secure. The lizard seems placid enough, but Elizabeth still looks worried, and she runs a pinky gingerly down its spine. “Bearded dragon. Said they’re real good pets.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve heard of those,” Akande says. Elizabeth nods and looks slightly less worried. The bearded dragon looks up at her with a vacant expression, mouth slightly agape. Its tongue is poking out slightly. Akande’s cats do it far cuter, but this blep seems to make Elizabeth happy</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey BOB,” she says. “You wanna give this one a name?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Omnic stands in silent contemplation for a moment. Then he leans down and whispers in Elizabeth’s ear. She breaks into a wide smile. “BOB Jr.’s a fine name,” she tells him. She points to a large yellow snake in one of the larger containers. “What’dya think we should call that one?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>BOB whispers to Elizabeth again. Elizabeth’s smile becomes strained. “That’s not, uh–“ She runs her fingers through her hair. “So it’s not ‘Junior Junior,’ it’d be BOB the Third. And that would imply that he’s his son, and they’re–“ She gestures at the two different species. BOB stares serenely back. Elizabeth claps her hands. “Tell you what, how ‘bout we let Akande name this one?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande walks over to the tank and bends down. The yellow snake makes baleful eye contact with him. Akande observes its half-shed skin, the dead mouse in the corner, and its utter lack of movement. An ephemeral manner of body, a troublesome diet, and an overall somewhat depressing creature to behold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Call it Gabriel,” he tells Elizabeth. She cocks her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“After the angel, or the Peter?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A friend. I should introduce you, at some point.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can’t wait.” Elizabeth sets BOB Jr. gently back in his tank, and places the mesh ceiling over him. “Those two are the ones the guy said I could handle the most,” she tells Akande. “Played with Gabriel some on the flight down here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande’s mouth quirks into a smile at the unintended image. He’s also a little uncertain about what constitutes playing with a snake. “What about the others?” Akande asks, gesturing to the containers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Guy told me they’ll be a lot happier if I just let ‘em be. I’m inclined to do just that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who is this ‘guy’?” Akande asks. “And why did he have all these animals just… on hand?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Different sources,” Elizabeth says. She says it looking down quickly, turning her back to Akande to focus on one of the other snakes. Akande turns to BOB. BOB meets his gaze, then quickly leaves the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think I’m going to be mad that you stole them?” Akande asks, raising an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not mad,” Elizabeth says. She only sounds slightly sullen. “You’ll make fun of me, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Elizabeth,” Akande says gently. “You showed up at my house with a half dozen exotic reptiles. What, exactly, could you do that’s more ridiculous than that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“One’s an amphibian.” Akande waits. After a pause, Elizabeth shuffles around so she’s facing him. “You guys have roadside zoos here?” she asks him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’re a thing in the States,” she says. “And there’s one in Arizona that just does reptiles. I went there once when I was a kid. My parents took me to Paris and Dubai and that was my favorite vacation, some place we stopped at when we were driving back from the Grand Canyon.” Her smile twists into something of a snarl. “Anyway. Found out a while back that they’ve actually been super shitty to their animals the whole time. So that sucked.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Akande says carefully. Elizabeth doesn’t tell him much about her childhood. “I imagine it must have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well turns out, new batch of territory Deadlock captured included them,” Elizabeth says. “And so we uh. Liberated their prisoners. And the guy took a bunch of them, but these guys…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you brought home the reptiles ‘the guy’ didn’t want,” Akande finishes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I also bought BOB Jr. and Gabriel from him,” Elizabeth adds. Akande buries his head in his hands and laughs. “Look, man, he was just going to put them down! And they’d had such rough lives, I–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande gets up from the bed, walks over to Elizabeth, and kisses her. Elizabeth is the kind of person who finds out her childhood was bullshit, and doesn’t just accept that. She takes a righteous anger and a rifle to the thing. She’s ridiculous, he admires her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re giving them a good retirement,” he tells her. She smiles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think so,” she says. Then she kisses him again, deeper. She slides her hand on his waist and looks confused when he pulls back in response. Then she follows his gaze. BOB Jr. is pressed up against the glass, staring directly at them. He is still blepping.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should give them some peace and quiet,” she says, standing up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s in their best interest,” Akande agrees. He shuts the door tight behind them.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I haven't watch Tiger King I legitimately know nothing about Tiger King any parallels bw Ashe and Mr. King are purely coincidental.</p><p>I’m <a href="https://twitter.com/tacticalgrandma">@tacticalgrandma</a> on twitter if you want to talk to me there!</p><p>Thank you so much for reading, and any comments or kudos would mean the world to me 💜</p></blockquote></div></div>
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